Month: November 2021

Toilet Ponderings 11.25.21

It’s Thanksgiving day and I am in this bathroom pondering about being thankful

  1. I am very thankful that I get to ponder indoors instead of a cold outhouse.
  2. I am very thanful that I have nice toilet paper that isn’t designed to terrorize me and my bum from the NWO toilet paper company.
  3. I am thankful that the water bill is paid so I can not worry about the numer of courtesy flushes that have been going on in here.
  4. I am thankful I can cleanse my intestines to not be backed up then have to ask the doctor for a pharmco pill to take care of those issues that carry a warning that a pharmco pill could cause cramps, bad gas, and possibly give you a heart attack.
  5. I wonder why no one in this crowded house has volunteered to give me an enema.
  6. If I have bad blockage can I use a tripple domed plunger in a Thanksgiving day kind of way.
  7. i ponder about money issues like should I fish the fifty cents that fell out of my pocket and is laying in the bottom of the toilet at this time.
  8. I wonder if I slip a dollar bill under the door if that kid pounding on the door saying he can’t wait will leave me alone or tell me he needs $5 to leave me alone due to inflation, money issues, you know. These kids catch on fast.
  9. Someone left their panty hose in here on the rack they look clean, I wonder if I should I pull them over my head and play bank robber, more money issues.
  10. I wonder if I pull those panty hose over my head and walk out into that crowded room how many people will hand me their wallets thinking I am here to rob them and should I put that money in my IRA or just go buy an ounce or two of gold with it.
  11. Or should I go spend that money and help support the hard workers of America who brew beer for all of us to have here on this day of Thanksgiving.
  12. I wonder if anybody knows I wash my hands after being in here for so long.
  13. I wonder if the last person washed their hands before they grabbed the doorknob to get out of here.
  14. Why don’t more people have bidets?
  15. I wonder how much toilet paper has been bought in this country for this weekend.
  16. I wonder if people know taking a dump will save them money from buying weightloss products that don’t work.
  17. i wonder if people have ever heard the expression “Don’t be a hog, just go drop the log.”
  18. I wonder if I should try a new fashion statement this holiday as I leave the loo should I have toilet paper coming from the back of my pants and dragging on the floor behind me?
  19. then when I hear somebody say they need a new napkin just spin my butt around toward them and say “I can spare a square”.
  20. I wonder if that kid on the other side of the door who took my $1 and my $5 will ever give me my money back because he hasn’t stopped banging the door.
  21. I wonder if I should teach him respect by sitting in here and watching the football game on my phone.
  22. did I just hear him say, “mommy, I crapped my pants!” ?
  23. he is not at the door now I wonder if I should do my paperwork, slip out the side door, go pick up a 12 pack, maybe two, come back in the front door like I went on a beer run and it wasn’t me that was in the bathroom that made that kid crap his pants.
  24. Like the brother’s Osborne song goes, “It ain’t my fault”.
  25. I wonder if all y’all know it’s Thanksgving and to count your blessings and know that there are people who may not say it, but they are thankful for you.
  26. Be thankful, you could have been the one coming in this bathroom after I slipped out the side door.
  27. I wonder if I will hear the next person cry out “Lordy, Lordy” as I’m going to pick up a 40.

Happy Thanksgiving All Y’all

Thanksgiving 2021

Hey Y’all, All of us at borntoliveandlaugh.com have been lost today in Thankfulness. We are thankful for so many things.

1st we want you to know we are thankful to all y’all who check us out at born to live and laugh. We are thankful for your laughter and your love. We are thankful to you out there who have been enjoying the T-shirts from our shop and have ordered so many shirts the different categories of shirts we have.

You have found out that you can help others laugh and celebrate life even more just because of the shirt you are wearing.

We are glad you like Zeke Time. We are thankful to you all who have been brave enough to take the adventure in your mind of toilet ponderings. We all have toilet ponderings and this means you too on the loo. We mean too not two cause two on the loo could be weird for the both of you.

If your family complains that you are on the toilet too long and they are all waiting their turn tell them to be thankful that you have genius tendencies and are able to expand yourself by reading born to live and laugh toilet ponderings. Tell them they should be thankful you didn’t use all the toilet paper because you care about them.

If they wonder why you didn’t use the bathroom deodorizer tell them you just wanted them to know it was a business trip even though you are busy laughing. If someone complains that you flush too many times tell them just because you are a courteous person and you are thankful for them being in your life. Should they make any comments about the streak mark you left on the porcelain tell them that was for training the children by giving them something called target practice and they all better be happy/thankful that you did not leave that skid mark on the back of the toilet seat. It’s cigar time so we must bid you ado while you enjoy the loo.

Happy Thanksgiving day to all of y’all.

Toilet Ponderings 11.19.21 b

Just had to ponder some more…

It’s still Friday and more toilet ponderings.

Wonder how Kum-al-ova Harris is doing in her first day as president.

Will Lunch Box Joe, Creepy Joe, Joe Bid-laudin, Sniffilus Joe, Brandon, be now known as Sphincter Joe?

More Toilet Ponderings here on a Friday. Since the powers that be pay doctors 20% more if they jab a patient or use Redem-na-fear to kill a patient on top of what Medicare usually pays for a procedure normally to willing doctors. How much will the willing doctors working on pretend president Joe Bid-laudin (Sphincter Joe) be paid by the powers at hand to make sure Joe doesn’t get out of the hospital alive?

If he doesn’t will it be due to the anesthesia he is under, not the normal stuff he works on but the stuff he received in the hospital for his colon surgery?

Will the doctors get their bonus money for bumping off creepy Joe but cutting his bum and subsequently there is a bloodletting?

You might say instead of “cutting the jugular”, “cutting the ugulier”.

If the MDs accidentally nick his prick as they look for lettuce parts in his colon, will the notorious Joe Bid-laudin then pass not from the gas but from the staff?

Will Kum-al-ova Harris soon be replaced by Nancy Pelosi?

Will Nancy Pelosi suffer from a yoga accident caused by saggy spandex or tripping on her saggy jowls?

Then who will be the person acting and we do mean acting as el- Presidente. Are we watching a reality show that is obviously sponsored by Pfizer?

Toilet Pondering 11.19.21

I sit here today thinking of our country’s constitution.

I’m thinking of Joe Bid-laudin sitting in the hospital as doctors probe his anal passage.

I wonder if the proctologists are staring at Creepy Joe’s winker laughing and saying to each other “what an asshole”.

I’m sitting here dropping the morning constitutional thinking about Joe Bid-laudin in the hospital while the proctologist slams foreign objects into his bum.

I’m thinking about Cum-All-Ova Harris being our president.

Who needs an ex-lax when you’ve got this much crap going on in DC (District of Colon)?

Some say crap runs downhill. My question is, will all this crap flow into the house of representatives?

Will Nancy Pelosi be screaming, “I should be president, I should be president”?

Will Adam Shifty-Schiff start lying about how much he loves all this crap?

Will Schumer think he should put some on his face and call it a facial?

Will someone in congress inflate a lifeboat and paddle their way out?

For those people who don’t have the courage to stand up for Constitutional America will they now be inspired to do so?

With obvious overflowing crap in DC will they now hoard Toilet Paper in our country?

Does anybody have any questions or comments?

I better wrap this up so I can go buy some more Toilet Paper.

Holy Crap, it’s all jammed up in DC.

One last pondering, before I go to the store I have one more pondering.

Will the proctologist working on Joe Bid-laudin today be bragging about being up Creepy Joe’s asshole while they drink their martini’s tonight?

While they eat their dinner will they be thinking about tossed salad?

While Brandon is under anesthesia will the entire surgical staff be bouncing quarters off his saggy old ass?

Should we have seen this coming as Sniffilus Joe ripped a fart heard round the world sitting next to Prince Charle’s wife Camila?

Can anyone believe Cum-all-ova Harris is the acting president?

She doesn’t even know geography.

She thought being 800 miles away from the TX/Mex border meant she was on the border.

There seems to be an epidemic of smelly arses in DC.

I wonder if anyone agrees.

Well, America if there was ever a time, to go to the store and buy Toilet Paper, would it be now?

As we flush our toilets across America today will it be a toast to Stinky Joe?

Cheers?