Author: Trixie

If you are depositing fecal matter into the toilet on Christmas day, do we realize that is a gift from God and Baby Jesus because we are allowed to have a body that functions?

Does that make our deposits holy fecal?

Would the snowman be the snowman if he could drop a holiday steamer on the front lawn?

When you flush the loo on Christmas day are you sending Christmas packages to the septic tank?

Does anybody read toilet ponderings on Christmas day?

What does it mean if you would rather read toilet ponderings on Christmas day than associate with the inlaws?

If you are thinking about toilet ponderings and you are not in the bathroom does that mean you will be in the bathroom soon?

If you need to go but you are a bit stuffed up does anyone realize it would be easier to make skid marks while thinking about your feelings for the toxic Dr. Anthony Fauci or his cohort in crime Joe Brandon Bidlaudin?

If you can’t snap a log off while sitting on a comfortable toilet would it make it easier to say “let’s go, Brandon”?

Are people who courtesy flush more likely to be favored by baby Jesus took his first crap did Mary and the others say “Holy Shit”?

If you eat the carrot sticks on a holiday veggie tray will you poop bunny droppings?

Would one be more shocked to find out their dog knows how to spell Merry Christmas on the front lawn while dragging its ass on the grass?

How many toilet ponderings is it ok to have on Christmas day?

What does it mean if you think to yourself that farting around the Christmas table is gifting those presents?

Is it wise to change your baby’s diaper on Christmas morning if you were drinking heavily on Christmas eve?

How old are babies when their poop changes from yellow to brown?

Is it wrong to give enema bags to friends at Christmas?

Why do people make bathrooms with no fans?

What kind of pie on Christmas makes you poop more?

On Christmas day, is it ok to let grandpa poop in his favorite chair and not want to change his pants all day, then invite everyone in to watch his movie on the big screen?

Why am I still sitting here toasting ass mushrooms over an open fire while teaching a 5 yr old to light his farts?

Why are you thinking to yourself what color of lighter the 5 yr old would prefer?

Since the government wants to make a 5-year-old drink cool-aid, accept the jab, isn’t the 5-year-old old enough to light the spike proteins emitting from his Christmas bum?

Is the 5-year-old old enough to vote and get a driver’s license if the 5-year-old is old enough to get the jab and do gender switch without telling parents?

When will people realize they are being lied to by Dr Fauci, Joe Bidlaudin, the CDC, the FDA, and the WHO while they are praying that God saves them from an angry population of individuals who realized that they have been lied to?

I wonder how many people are still reading my Christmas day toilet pondering.

I wonder if people will share my toilet pondering at the dining room table with their friends and family.

If a female voice hollers through the bathroom door “what are you still doing in there?”, is it ok to say “I’m thinking”?

If they reply, “you have been in there for a long time, what are you thinking about?”, and should you say I wonder why no one left toilet paper in the bathroom?

Then is our next thought as you sit there for an hour or two, “why isn’t someone bringing me some toilet paper.”

Is it ok for you to be impressed with the size of your manhood?

If you fart and it’s hot is that a burnt offering?

Who can tell a rose to be beautiful?

Who can tell a fart to smell?

Are there any roses that smell like farts but still look beautiful?

Do people know they can have the beauty of a rose and still fart because none of us is perfect?

I wonder if people understand in one way or another they are all beautiful even though they fart?

Wonder if people know they must merely choose to be happy?

Just as they must choose to be the rose.

Even though sometimes you don’t choose to fart.

They can still be happy and smile like a beautiful rose because God gave them the ability to fart and to laugh at that fart.

Thank you Edgar Cayce for this morning’s stimulation.

It’s Thanksgiving day and I am in this bathroom pondering about being thankful

1. I am very thankful that I get to ponder indoors instead of a cold outhouse.
2. I am very thanful that I have nice toilet paper that isn’t designed to terrorize me and my bum from the NWO toilet paper company.
3. I am thankful that the water bill is paid so I can not worry about the numer of courtesy flushes that have been going on in here.
4. I am thankful I can cleanse my intestines to not be backed up then have to ask the doctor for a pharmco pill to take care of those issues that carry a warning that a pharmco pill could cause cramps, bad gas, and possibly give you a heart attack.
5. I wonder why no one in this crowded house has volunteered to give me an enema.
6. If I have bad blockage can I use a tripple domed plunger in a Thanksgiving day kind of way.
7. i ponder about money issues like should I fish the fifty cents that fell out of my pocket and is laying in the bottom of the toilet at this time.
8. I wonder if I slip a dollar bill under the door if that kid pounding on the door saying he can’t wait will leave me alone or tell me he needs $5 to leave me alone due to inflation, money issues, you know. These kids catch on fast.
9. Someone left their panty hose in here on the rack they look clean, I wonder if I should I pull them over my head and play bank robber, more money issues.
10. I wonder if I pull those panty hose over my head and walk out into that crowded room how many people will hand me their wallets thinking I am here to rob them and should I put that money in my IRA or just go buy an ounce or two of gold with it.
11. Or should I go spend that money and help support the hard workers of America who brew beer for all of us to have here on this day of Thanksgiving.
12. I wonder if anybody knows I wash my hands after being in here for so long.
13. I wonder if the last person washed their hands before they grabbed the doorknob to get out of here.
14. Why don’t more people have bidets?
15. I wonder how much toilet paper has been bought in this country for this weekend.
16. I wonder if people know taking a dump will save them money from buying weightloss products that don’t work.
17. i wonder if people have ever heard the expression “Don’t be a hog, just go drop the log.”
18. I wonder if I should try a new fashion statement this holiday as I leave the loo should I have toilet paper coming from the back of my pants and dragging on the floor behind me?
19. then when I hear somebody say they need a new napkin just spin my butt around toward them and say “I can spare a square”.
20. I wonder if that kid on the other side of the door who took my $1 and my $5 will ever give me my money back because he hasn’t stopped banging the door.
21. I wonder if I should teach him respect by sitting in here and watching the football game on my phone.
22. did I just hear him say, “mommy, I crapped my pants!” ?
23. he is not at the door now I wonder if I should do my paperwork, slip out the side door, go pick up a 12 pack, maybe two, come back in the front door like I went on a beer run and it wasn’t me that was in the bathroom that made that kid crap his pants.
24. Like the brother’s Osborne song goes, “It ain’t my fault”.
25. I wonder if all y’all know it’s Thanksgving and to count your blessings and know that there are people who may not say it, but they are thankful for you.
26. Be thankful, you could have been the one coming in this bathroom after I slipped out the side door.
27. I wonder if I will hear the next person cry out “Lordy, Lordy” as I’m going to pick up a 40.

Happy Thanksgiving All Y’all