Why has it just gotta be gas?
I fart in french.
Where is my lighter?
This is my not so silent protest.
Think I’ll try out for America’s got talent.
Maybe I can cut a CD from this.
Talk about laying down some tracts.
I hope my in-laws are impressed.
This is a very religious bathroom. I keep hearing people come in saying “Oh Lordy!”
They call me Mr. Explosive.
Oh yeah, we are crushing them today!
That’s music to my ears.
That guy should have never sat in the stall next to me. I am very competitive.
Hey, that’s not my hand. Momma warned me about public restrooms.
Now I understand the meaning of blockage.
Don’t make me come in there and get you.
Sometimes when I am sitting here I sweat.
My mother told me don’t wait so long.
The man in the stall next to me must be having a respiratory attack.
I am the pusher man.
Now that was moist.
I wonder if my date has left yet.
I wonder if my girlfriend’s roommates think I’ve been in here too long.
Why do I keep losing all of my girlfriends?
I wonder if hydraulics will help.
Why won’t Scotty beam me aboard?
Finally, a suppository that fits.
Do you think I am going to miss the ball?
Some day my prince will come.
I’m too sexy for my shit, too sexy for my shit.
I just had to eat the cobb too?
I wonder if ever I will be invited back.
I think I’ll write a blog about the clog.
I sure hope the toilet doesn’t back up today.
No more sourkraut for me.
I think I offended Chewy. May the force be with me. Luke, I am your father.
Ugh, I hate it when they get stuck.
Oh please just snap off.
Oh no, I think I need to call an EMT.
Calling Dr. Detox
Give me an E
Give me an N
Give me an E
Give me an M
Give me an A
What do you get enema!
Was that diarrhea or did I just have a hemorrhage?
I will never play Last Tango in Paris again.
I should not have signed up to be an altar boy.
Nasa we have splashdown!
This just proves there is one way to impress her on your first date.
We are gonna have a good time at the laundromat today.
This is the wrong time to realize you forgot to pay the water bill.
Oh I should have saved that one for my PJs
Well what do you know, there is my rrrRaybans.
I always enjoy using someone else’s toothbrush.
oooooo that was furry.
Last time I get a Mcfurry.
Is this a hint I should open a soft-serve shop?
Oh, look at that one. It reminds me of Hunter Bidladin’s artwork.
I wonder if anyone will notice I brought my breakfast cereal in here this morning.
I lost that model car when I was in the 2nd grade playing drive into the tunnel.
I called the EMTs for help. They told me they would wait outside.
They weren’t that large when I was a little boy.
Really could it get any bigger?
Hello Rotterrooter.
For some reason, convenience stores won’t let me use their bathroom anymore.
Hey wait, that’s my phone number written on the wall.
I just heard God say flush the thing already!
Why does it always back up when I’m sitting on it?
That’s the last time I trust a Dominion voting machine.
My wife left me. She said she just couldn’t take it anymore.
I probably blew this job interview.
Oh no, talk about climate change.
Surprise when you think they just couldn’t get any bigger.
I bet that first one wishes it wasn’t on the bottom now!
Wonder if my boss and his wife will ever invite me back over for dinner again.
At least there is one time of day it’s all about me.
It’s good to play exit ramp. There is heavy build-up traffic today!
MOMMY!
I think I’ll write a blog about the log.
Was that a suppository or a tapeworm?
Someone told me you are not supposed to smoke a suppository.
Guess I don’t have to buy bait when I go fishing today. I have plenty of worms.
Oh Shit! This is not the time to be out of toilet paper.
Sometimes I’m in the bathroom, so long people think I’m doing heroin.
Another 5 minutes and we will be calling the Coast Guard.
Help me I need a life preserver!
Fans in bathrooms should be mandatory.
I think I need a shower.
I just found that quarter we lost from when we played bounce the quarter off my ass.
I’ve gotta stop eating fast food.
And they say men don’t know how to give birth.
My inner voice is saying “how about a courtesy flush?”
I knew that roll of quarters was in here someplace.
How many plumbers have I kept employed?
I won’t be going to work today!
Every morning I do sit-ups, apparently, I did shit-ups.
After this, I will have to skip the shower and go to the car wash.
If I don’t shower I might just jump in the pool. Do you think anybody will notice?
Out of toilet paper again. I guess I’ll just drag my ass on the grass like the neighbor’s dog.
It’s good to get rid of parasites, it’s good to get rid of parasites, it’s good to get rid of parasites.
Good things come in all-size packages. When is enough, enough?
It’s a good thing I have buns of steel.
They call me Mr. Invincible.
I should be outside Nancy Pelosi’s house.
Oh my dogs are gonna be jealous
I guess I should use the bathroom more than once a week.
My wife won’t let me use her biday.
Would someone throw me a lifeline?
Last time I say hook me up.
Well, at least I’m an expert in one thing.
Forest Dump doesn’t have nothing on me.
Can’t touch this and you probably don’t want to.
Ok ok I am ready to wear a mask, make that two.
Help me I can’t get up, I think I’m bleeding.
Wow now that’s Fung-Shui
Gonna have to burn some sage after this one.
I believe I caused a ripple effect.
One more flush and I’ll need a raincoat.
That was a good one, I think I’ll take a picture.
I flushed but something is rubbing my bum
I caused a tsunami
I think I’m the toilet seat cover.
I’ve never felt so clean.
Why does this always happen after I put fresh sheets on the bed.
Oh come on 60 times a day, oh please.
Who needs butt beads?
The census bureau asked me how many kids I had. I told them I dropped them all off at the pool.
Don’t think I’ll eat dog food again.
Nothing beats fiber.
There goes a perfectly good cheesecake.
Ain’t no sunshine where that came from.
That must have been Asian food, it was just wong.
Now that was presidential.
Will someone please wipe my ass?
What do people who have 2 broken arms do?
It’s been a long time coming.
I guess it’s time to pump out the septic tank.
Is it wrong for me to want to fish my lottery ticket out of the toilet?
Will they still allow me to claim my winnings?
Talk about Montezuma’s revenge.
Some call it white rage but that’s a lie cause it’s all brown.
My wife likes to edit my shit.
They call me Mr Puddin’
