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We now have car toppers!

We now have backlit car toppers that say “Let’s Go Brandon”. They come in varying shapes and sizes. You plug them into your car cigarette lighter or you can upgrade to a rechargeable battery.

Thanksgiving 2021

Hey Y’all, All of us at borntoliveandlaugh.com have been lost today in Thankfulness. We are thankful for so many things.

1st we want you to know we are thankful to all y’all who check us out at born to live and laugh. We are thankful for your laughter and your love. We are thankful to you out there who have been enjoying the T-shirts from our shop and have ordered so many shirts the different categories of shirts we have.

You have found out that you can help others laugh and celebrate life even more just because of the shirt you are wearing.

We are glad you like Zeke Time. We are thankful to you all who have been brave enough to take the adventure in your mind of toilet ponderings. We all have toilet ponderings and this means you too on the loo. We mean too not two cause two on the loo could be weird for the both of you.

If your family complains that you are on the toilet too long and they are all waiting their turn tell them to be thankful that you have genius tendencies and are able to expand yourself by reading born to live and laugh toilet ponderings. Tell them they should be thankful you didn’t use all the toilet paper because you care about them.

If they wonder why you didn’t use the bathroom deodorizer tell them you just wanted them to know it was a business trip even though you are busy laughing. If someone complains that you flush too many times tell them just because you are a courteous person and you are thankful for them being in your life. Should they make any comments about the streak mark you left on the porcelain tell them that was for training the children by giving them something called target practice and they all better be happy/thankful that you did not leave that skid mark on the back of the toilet seat. It’s cigar time so we must bid you ado while you enjoy the loo.

Happy Thanksgiving day to all of y’all.

Veteran’s Day 11/11/21

This is to thank you men and women who have stood up for the Constitutional Republic of America.

We Solute you!

Thank you!

Tranny Tryouts

In today’s crazy mixed-up world with so much pressure for men to be women and women to be men, I was approached by some friends of my wife Tricia as to whether or not I would join some male friends of theirs for a day where men would wear dresses all day. Mind you they did not mean a kilt. They meant a dress.

So I discussed this with Tricia and asked her to share my Zeke thoughts on the subject. The reason I asked her to share my thoughts on the subject is because of my tendencies to be shy and demure, you might say I’m a bit of a wallflower. I have no way, no idea on how to be politically correct so since we live in a world where school administrators are wanting to tell 5-year-old boys to wear a dress, I thought it would be best for Tricia to share my answer with you, the friends of borntoliveandlaugh.com. Take it away Tricia.

My burly 6’6″ 285 lb husband who played rugby for 10 years says he can understand why men would want to wear dresses because it would be easier to lift the dress to urinate or take a shit, no zippers, no belts, no buttons, no snaps. Just lift and piss. Just lift and shit. The best part would be wearing hiking boots with his hairy legs showing and it would also make scratching his crotch easier. BTW he does not shave he believes why shave your hairy chest as it is one of the last bastions of malehood. His answer to possibly shaving his legs is one word followed by a growl. That word is “really” followed by a growl. He also believes wearing a dress would add a whole new dimension to farting. Please understand he is truly an all straight 8 but he does see the convenience of open-air technology. He is still trying to figure out what to do with his wallet and his knife, not to mention all his cigar tools. I suggested a man purse and a man bun for his hair. He staired at me followed by a growl and said “Really”. Then I had to say “Stop playing with yourself honey”. So born to live and laugh.
Tricia

Zeke here. What is with these people wanting to put men and little boys in dresses? It is now gone corporate. The makers of Twix Candy bars need to rename themselves as twisted candy bars. Here is a Twix ad that will make you say, really and then growl for sure, for sure. Zeke out.

Let’s go Brandon

FOR POLITICAL LAUGHTER

Let’s Go Trudeau

Toilet Pondering 10.03.21

With so much crap going on in Washington DC it makes me wonder what is the official toilet paper for Congress in the White House?

I wonder if they use thick toilet paper or if they believe their sustainability in thin toilet paper. Aw shucks as much crap as they drop every day it’s gotta be thick. This thin stuff is for the rest of us.

How does Joe Bidladin sleep at night?

How do people in congress sleep at night?

How do the swamp members at the pentagon sleep at night?

How does General Mike Milley look at himself in the mirror? Was he large and in charge of imprisoning Lt Stuart Scheller?

Is the general a brave man, a treasonous man, or does he use more toilet paper in one day than the entire USA uses in a year? Cause he is full of crap.

Does he have a reason for his treason?

Does Washington believe the holidays are a season for treason?

What is the house and the senate’s reason for the treason?

Do we pay taxes to Uncle Sam so it can go to the Taliban?

Why didn’t Joe Bidladin’s mother abort him?

Did the majority of Toilet Paper hoarding happen because the politicians wanted to cover their arse?

Does Joe Bidladin plunge his own toilet?

I wonder if Mr. Bidladin knows We the people can only handle so much stress and that he is really pushing it.

Should we put Joe Bidladin’s press secretary in a box and send her back to CNN?

What do Slick Willy, Bill Gates, Joe Bidladin, Shifty Shift, Hussain Obama, and Aqua Lung have in common? Is it they like to sit at playgrounds and watch the children play?

Sitting on the park bench. Eyeing little girls with bad intent. Watching as the frilly panties run.

Australian corruption unvailed

Living and laughing require standing up. Live by standing up, laugh at watching darkness fall.

Shine the light on and into the dark. Time to stand up for yourself, your family, and our republic for which it stands.

Please buy a T-shirt and help us stand up for America. Thank you and God bless America.

Toilet Ponderings 09.08.21

Why has it just gotta be gas?

I fart in french.

Where is my lighter?

This is my not so silent protest.

Think I’ll try out for America’s got talent.

Maybe I can cut a CD from this.

Talk about laying down some tracts.

I hope my in-laws are impressed.

This is a very religious bathroom. I keep hearing people come in saying “Oh Lordy!”

They call me Mr. Explosive.

Oh yeah, we are crushing them today!

That’s music to my ears.

That guy should have never sat in the stall next to me. I am very competitive.

Hey, that’s not my hand. Momma warned me about public restrooms.

Now I understand the meaning of blockage.

Don’t make me come in there and get you.

Sometimes when I am sitting here I sweat.

My mother told me don’t wait so long.

The man in the stall next to me must be having a respiratory attack.

I am the pusher man.

Now that was moist.

I wonder if my date has left yet.

I wonder if my girlfriend’s roommates think I’ve been in here too long.

Why do I keep losing all of my girlfriends?

I wonder if hydraulics will help.

Why won’t Scotty beam me aboard?

Finally, a suppository that fits.

Do you think I am going to miss the ball?

Some day my prince will come.

I’m too sexy for my shit, too sexy for my shit.

I just had to eat the cobb too?

I wonder if ever I will be invited back.

I think I’ll write a blog about the clog.

I sure hope the toilet doesn’t back up today.

No more sourkraut for me.

I think I offended Chewy. May the force be with me. Luke, I am your father.

Ugh, I hate it when they get stuck.

Oh please just snap off.

Oh no, I think I need to call an EMT.

Calling Dr. Detox

Give me an E

Give me an N

Give me an E

Give me an M

Give me an A

What do you get enema!

Was that diarrhea or did I just have a hemorrhage?

I will never play Last Tango in Paris again.

I should not have signed up to be an altar boy.

Nasa we have splashdown!

This just proves there is one way to impress her on your first date.

We are gonna have a good time at the laundromat today.

This is the wrong time to realize you forgot to pay the water bill.

Oh I should have saved that one for my PJs

Well what do you know, there is my rrrRaybans.

I always enjoy using someone else’s toothbrush.

oooooo that was furry.

Last time I get a Mcfurry.

Is this a hint I should open a soft-serve shop?

Oh, look at that one. It reminds me of Hunter Bidladin’s artwork.

I wonder if anyone will notice I brought my breakfast cereal in here this morning.

I lost that model car when I was in the 2nd grade playing drive into the tunnel.

I called the EMTs for help. They told me they would wait outside.

They weren’t that large when I was a little boy.

Really could it get any bigger?

Hello Rotterrooter.

For some reason, convenience stores won’t let me use their bathroom anymore.

Hey wait, that’s my phone number written on the wall.

I just heard God say flush the thing already!

Why does it always back up when I’m sitting on it?

That’s the last time I trust a Dominion voting machine.

My wife left me. She said she just couldn’t take it anymore.

I probably blew this job interview.

Oh no, talk about climate change.

Surprise when you think they just couldn’t get any bigger.

I bet that first one wishes it wasn’t on the bottom now!

Wonder if my boss and his wife will ever invite me back over for dinner again.

At least there is one time of day it’s all about me.

It’s good to play exit ramp. There is heavy build-up traffic today!

MOMMY!

I think I’ll write a blog about the log.

Was that a suppository or a tapeworm?

Someone told me you are not supposed to smoke a suppository.

Guess I don’t have to buy bait when I go fishing today. I have plenty of worms.

Oh Shit! This is not the time to be out of toilet paper.

Sometimes I’m in the bathroom, so long people think I’m doing heroin.

Another 5 minutes and we will be calling the Coast Guard.

Help me I need a life preserver!

Fans in bathrooms should be mandatory.

I think I need a shower.

I just found that quarter we lost from when we played bounce the quarter off my ass.

I’ve gotta stop eating fast food.

And they say men don’t know how to give birth.

My inner voice is saying “how about a courtesy flush?”

I knew that roll of quarters was in here someplace.

How many plumbers have I kept employed?

I won’t be going to work today!

Every morning I do sit-ups, apparently, I did shit-ups.

After this, I will have to skip the shower and go to the car wash.

If I don’t shower I might just jump in the pool. Do you think anybody will notice?

Out of toilet paper again. I guess I’ll just drag my ass on the grass like the neighbor’s dog.

It’s good to get rid of parasites, it’s good to get rid of parasites, it’s good to get rid of parasites.

Good things come in all-size packages. When is enough, enough?

It’s a good thing I have buns of steel.

They call me Mr. Invincible.

I should be outside Nancy Pelosi’s house.

Oh my dogs are gonna be jealous

I guess I should use the bathroom more than once a week.

My wife won’t let me use her biday.

Would someone throw me a lifeline?

Last time I say hook me up.

Well, at least I’m an expert in one thing.

Forest Dump doesn’t have nothing on me.

Can’t touch this and you probably don’t want to.

Ok ok I am ready to wear a mask, make that two.

Help me I can’t get up, I think I’m bleeding.

Wow now that’s Fung-Shui

Gonna have to burn some sage after this one.

I believe I caused a ripple effect.

One more flush and I’ll need a raincoat.

That was a good one, I think I’ll take a picture.

I flushed but something is rubbing my bum

I caused a tsunami

I think I’m the toilet seat cover.

I’ve never felt so clean.

Why does this always happen after I put fresh sheets on the bed.

Oh come on 60 times a day, oh please.

Who needs butt beads?

The census bureau asked me how many kids I had. I told them I dropped them all off at the pool.

Don’t think I’ll eat dog food again.

Nothing beats fiber.

There goes a perfectly good cheesecake.

Ain’t no sunshine where that came from.

That must have been Asian food, it was just wong.

Now that was presidential.

Will someone please wipe my ass?

What do people who have 2 broken arms do?

It’s been a long time coming.

I guess it’s time to pump out the septic tank.

Is it wrong for me to want to fish my lottery ticket out of the toilet?

Will they still allow me to claim my winnings?

Talk about Montezuma’s revenge.

Some call it white rage but that’s a lie cause it’s all brown.

My wife likes to edit my shit.

They call me Mr Puddin’

July 10th 2021 Celebration

Did you get to celebrate America’s July teenth?

On July 10th (teenth) Lady Godiva invented Godiva chocolates then rode naked on her horse to protest her husband’s tyrannical tax acts. Gotta love chocolate.

Lady Godiva as painted in c. 1897 by John Collier