It’s Thanksgiving day and I am in this bathroom pondering about being thankful
- I am very thankful that I get to ponder indoors instead of a cold outhouse.
- I am very thanful that I have nice toilet paper that isn’t designed to terrorize me and my bum from the NWO toilet paper company.
- I am thankful that the water bill is paid so I can not worry about the numer of courtesy flushes that have been going on in here.
- I am thankful I can cleanse my intestines to not be backed up then have to ask the doctor for a pharmco pill to take care of those issues that carry a warning that a pharmco pill could cause cramps, bad gas, and possibly give you a heart attack.
- I wonder why no one in this crowded house has volunteered to give me an enema.
- If I have bad blockage can I use a tripple domed plunger in a Thanksgiving day kind of way.
- i ponder about money issues like should I fish the fifty cents that fell out of my pocket and is laying in the bottom of the toilet at this time.
- I wonder if I slip a dollar bill under the door if that kid pounding on the door saying he can’t wait will leave me alone or tell me he needs $5 to leave me alone due to inflation, money issues, you know. These kids catch on fast.
- Someone left their panty hose in here on the rack they look clean, I wonder if I should I pull them over my head and play bank robber, more money issues.
- I wonder if I pull those panty hose over my head and walk out into that crowded room how many people will hand me their wallets thinking I am here to rob them and should I put that money in my IRA or just go buy an ounce or two of gold with it.
- Or should I go spend that money and help support the hard workers of America who brew beer for all of us to have here on this day of Thanksgiving.
- I wonder if anybody knows I wash my hands after being in here for so long.
- I wonder if the last person washed their hands before they grabbed the doorknob to get out of here.
- Why don’t more people have bidets?
- I wonder how much toilet paper has been bought in this country for this weekend.
- I wonder if people know taking a dump will save them money from buying weightloss products that don’t work.
- i wonder if people have ever heard the expression “Don’t be a hog, just go drop the log.”
- I wonder if I should try a new fashion statement this holiday as I leave the loo should I have toilet paper coming from the back of my pants and dragging on the floor behind me?
- then when I hear somebody say they need a new napkin just spin my butt around toward them and say “I can spare a square”.
- I wonder if that kid on the other side of the door who took my $1 and my $5 will ever give me my money back because he hasn’t stopped banging the door.
- I wonder if I should teach him respect by sitting in here and watching the football game on my phone.
- did I just hear him say, “mommy, I crapped my pants!” ?
- he is not at the door now I wonder if I should do my paperwork, slip out the side door, go pick up a 12 pack, maybe two, come back in the front door like I went on a beer run and it wasn’t me that was in the bathroom that made that kid crap his pants.
- Like the brother’s Osborne song goes, “It ain’t my fault”.
- I wonder if all y’all know it’s Thanksgving and to count your blessings and know that there are people who may not say it, but they are thankful for you.
- Be thankful, you could have been the one coming in this bathroom after I slipped out the side door.
- I wonder if I will hear the next person cry out “Lordy, Lordy” as I’m going to pick up a 40.
Happy Thanksgiving All Y’all
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